How can something so terrifying, so gut-wrenching, so sickening… be turned into such a beautiful blessing?
My last blog, which was a huge testament of my faith, was absolutely terrifying to share. I’ve always found it kind of hard to stand confidently in sharing my faith, because I’m just not very confident of a person (despite being a very outgoing person). But for some reason, on Monday, July 29th, 2019, God gave me just enough courage to post share my faith with not only my followers but with the world. It felt amazing. Freeing. And then terrifying.
After I posted A Tired Girl’s Prayer, that courage kinda evaporated and I called some of my best friends (and my youth pastor, God bless him for being so patient and understanding) and I was freaking out saying “Oh my gosh! What did I just do?!”
I had no idea what possessed me to share it. But like I said in the previous post, God works in amazing ways. Sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith, hand it over to Him, and stand boldly and bravely in who we are and who we belong to. Not saying I’m brave, because I’m clearly a scaredy-cat, but now I can trust that God is my security and my strength even when I’m terrified. And when I give myself up to Him, and He fills me… well, I can stand brave. I can inspire others. And I can praise Him the way I was made to. On the bad days, the hard days, and the good days.
When you pray for patience, God will give you opportunities to be patient.
When you pray for strength, God will give you opportunities to be strong.
My prayer was for courage.
And here we are.
Thursday was a really good day. Waking up early didn’t feel so good, but it was a good day. My dad was off work, my mom was in a pretty good mood, fiddle lessons went incredible (for those of you who don’t know, I’m also a musician…) and it was just an overall good day.
Thursday morning, I start to text with my friend, and we talked about what had happened the night before. We go to the same youth group, and had been there the previous night. The best part was, we had decided to start using our music (he also is a musician) and voices for worshipping together at youth. So we got to our youth pastors’ house early on Wednesday night, pulled out our guitars, and started singing and playing music to prepare for worship before the devotional.
We talked, we laughed, we sang, and had a great time. And right then, I just started praying internally and thanking God for all He’s given me. After we finished worship, I began writing the next prayer. The last prayer was a pleading for peace and hope. But this one… this was a prayer of praise. A prayer of thankfulness, of grace, and of blessing.
The biggest blessing on Wednesday and Thursday was that my tired prayer that hurt so much to post that came out of absolutely nowhere, had reached a hundred people across the world, was being shared repeatedly, and was inspiring and bringing people closer to God. And that number has almost doubled since then.
That was my blessing.
God took my fear and turned it into something beautiful that could touch others all around me and all around the world. He used my voice, as small as it may be. He gave me courage.
I always tell people to “take courage”. If you have a book signed by me, I promise you’ll see that inscribed inside in some messy teenage girl handwriting. Taking courage isn’t easy. In fact, it’s almost impossible.
But nothing is impossible with God. And when He gives you courage, whether it is to walk through a bad day or even a good one, or to make that bold step, or just the courage to tackle whatever is being thrown in front of you… it’s a gift. Accept that gift. And use it as an opportunity to praise, to worship, and to use it for his glory.
August 1, 2019
“You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word.”
God, with every waking moment, I praise you. You are beautiful, glorious, the name above all names. You show me your glory in the small moments, those little “I love you”s throughout my day, and also in the things that are life changing and it’s overwhelming. You are the peace in the chaos, my shield in the battle, the light that guides my way through the darkness. When I’m scared, hopeless, alone, unloved, and insecure… You stand as my courage. My hope. Because of You, I know I’m never alone. I am never unloved or unlovable, because despite my broken parts, my scars, and my mistakes, You still love me and You will never stop loving me. You are my security. You stand at my side always. Whom shall I fear?
Lord, give me the strength, wisdom, and courage to continue showing Your glory. Help me lead others closer to you with my voice; whether I use my voice to sing, to speak, or even to write, help me use it for Your glory and not my own. Give me wisdom to follow what you ask and command of me, the strength to break the mold society has made for me, and the courage to stand boldly in Your name and show others the real me. The one who has been made new in Your love. Thank you, God. For Your love, Your healing power, and Your grace. For who You are.