Living Messily.

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Life isn’t easy. Anyone who tells you otherwise, is lying. Life is hard. Life is complicated. Life is messy.

From the time I was a little kid, I’ve walked into my house with bruises, with skinned knees and elbows, tear stains on my cheeks, and more than once, I’m covered from head to toe in mud. Or snow, or grass, or I have sticks in my hair. (It varies but it’s always something.)

My mom looks at me, sighs and puts down whatever she’s doing, and asks “Okay. What happened this time?”

And when I think about this, I laugh. I can’t help it!

Despite being messy, despite leaving me bruised, scratched up, and tear stained, life is beautiful. Its memories. It’s a learning process. It’s growing.

I get frustrated when I can’t fix things. I get frustrated something is out of my control. I get frustrated when I can’t do something right. I get frustrated when I see something in my head but my fingers just WON’T cooperate to write it down or draw it.

Let’s face it, life is really frustrating!

I’m not a clean freak, I’m not obsessive about things being in of order, but when life gets out of order, yeah that freaks me out. When things are out of line, DUH I try to put it back. But life is stubborn, and sometimes it doesn’t wanna go back.

And THAT ladies and gentlemen, is when life turns chaotic.

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret.

Control is a myth.

As much as we try, life will go it’s own way, we can’t change anything, we can’t put things back in order, and we can never have control over anything-

Or. . . is THAT the myth?

It’s true that life goes it’s own way, and we can never plan anything perfectly. Well, we can try, but that doesn’t mean it’ll go that way. Because that’s not how we were designed. We have free will, and as humans, we can never create anything perfectly, even plans. We aren’t God, and we can’t even try to fill those shoes.

Life changes, it stretches us, it pushes us down, and it gets really frustrating because we can’t control it. But. We do have control over one thing, and one thing alone.

Our responses.

Life is frustrating, and it doesn’t matter what we do, it always will be. But it makes things worse when you try to force it back into order. We can’t live perfect lives. We can’t even live easy lives. And it can be maddening. . . If you begin to obsess about it. And sometimes it’s just the overthinking factor.

Are my grades good enough? Did I do this right? Am I a good mom? Am I around enough? Am I making my family proud? Am I making God proud?

These thoughts can hurt us, because they become our lives. We are constantly worried about doing enough, and it becomes dead weight. A burden on our shoulders, dragging us down, and we can’t shake it off. So now, not only is life messy, but we are trying to take things on alone. And alone, we can’t pull ourselves out of the mud we are sinking in because the burden is too heavy.

Don’t try to take it on alone. Don’t let that burden tie you down. And it’s not just a matter of acceptance that, “okay, I’m stuck. Okay, I can’t be perfect. Okay, I need help.” 

We don’t just have to accept the chaos in our lives. We can’t pray for it to just go away. We can’t just pray ourselves out of the mud. We can’t pray that life gets easier. Because that’s not the design. That’s not the Plan.

That is setting yourself up for more pain, when the answer to your prayer was “I have more planned for you than you would ever face in an easy life.”

So instead, we embrace it.

We pray for love, we pray for peace, we pray for help.

We have to live it. 

It’s okay to live messily. It’s okay to go have mud fights, or go 4 wheeling, or play barefoot with your dogs. So laugh as ice cream drips down your shirt. Jump fully dressed into a pond with your best friend. Splash in creeks and wiggle your toes in sand. Dive for that volleyball.

It’s okay to cry when your heart breaks. It’s okay to cry out to God when you feel helpless and stuck. It’s okay to snort when you laugh. It’s okay to make stupid faces to make a baby giggle, and let that baby’s giggle carry you through your hard days. It’s okay to enjoy life. Life is not always kind, and sometimes it’s messy. But embrace it.

Because at the end of the day, all that dirt, the pain, the life struggles. . . It all washes off. It might leave marks. It might leave scars that fade, and it might leave scars that don’t. But it is proof of growth. It is proof of living to the maximum capacity.

It is memories. It is the life lessons, little adventures and big ones, and friends that become family. And theseThey stay forever.

Off on a messy adventure,

Lorryn Holt

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