Plans are only made to be changed.
I had some huge plans for last year, and this year. I think God just looked at me, read my plans, laughed, and said “Hey, watch this!”
One of the things I struggle most with in my life, in many different ways, is change. A lot of people struggle with change. But for the last few months… I didn’t really know how to respond.
Last year, my entire life was flipped upside down. In two months, both of my older brothers got married and left home. I am the only kid still at home.
I had spinal surgery, and even though I am now fully recovered and doing awesome, I am still learning my new limits.
School is, well, school! I am enjoying some of my subjects, but there is so much to learn and things begin to pile up. Assignments to be written every week, books to constantly be reading, experiments to be performed… studying has become the majority of my day.
My mom and I babysit, so I have an almost one year old walking around my house four days a week, talking and giggling, knocking on my door, yelling for me, and knocking spoons full of peas across the room.
I just turned sixteen a few weeks back, and I’m now driving, turning in several applications to begin a part time job, and sleeping when I get five minutes to crash.
The prayer journaling I’ve talked about previously is continuing, but now more in the form of drawings – one of my favorite ways to express myself.
Blogging has unfortunately been placed on the back burner, but I’m anxious to return to it.
All the things I’ve listed seem like they would be tough, but lately I’ve realized it’s not the changes that’s the problem. It’s me not knowing how to deal with it.
I have been writing and continuing my music, but the things I’m writing and playing are not things I’m used to expressing or experiencing.
Poems about the late night darkness… a story of a girl whose dream decides whether she will be written as the hero or villain of her very own story… a mystery of a clock that times everyone’s lifespan, and a game that decides when the clock shall chime… dialogue prompts and one-shots of a sassy preteen with an annoyed angel and cheeky devil on her shoulder… the list goes on and on.
I’ve began playing new songs, and writing themes for some of my characters. It’s inspiring. Creativity flows, even when it is unplanned – picking up my guitar, fiddle, or even sitting down to play on the piano at random times in the day can lift my spirits and boost ideas.
Things are different.
That’s really all I can say.
Do I like it? Uhhh… yes and no.
I like the comfort of knowing that there are some things will always be the same. And I love the idea of adventure… but there are some adventures I would prefer to only write about. Yet, it seems God has designed me to live them. I wasn’t sure how to adapt. Then I started looking at the things surrounding me as my own story being written.
One brother marrying after waiting five years, loving this girl more than anything… that’s romantic to say the least. The other brother eloping with a bridesmaid two months after… and comedic drama ensues.
Playing guitar in a wheelchair for patients’ families, learning how to walk all over again, and shooting pool in a hospital waiting room the day after getting titanium in my spine doesn’t exactly sound like the most adventurous tale, I’ll give you that.
But when you think of two parents chasing after their fifteen year old daughter who is speed walking around a hospital floor on a mission to get her own tea at eleven thirty at night (in Harry Potter pajamas and teddy bear slippers, nonetheless), all of the sudden the story becomes a comedy.
The changes we encounter in our life can be crazy, they can be sad, and sometimes they can be scary.
I’ve missed writing so much, and I’m really sad that it has taken me almost three months before I began really writing on my stories again. But I didn’t think I was ready. I didn’t think I could create anything good because life was so crazy. How could I have time to think about anything worth writing, much less reading? I could never get myself to do it. I was cranking out drawings and paintings like crazy, trying to express all my pent up emotions, but I was slowly going insane without writing the many stories building in my brain. I was waiting for a slow time, a peaceful time, to sit down and just write.
I never should have waited.
It’s not always peace that brings out creativity. Sometimes, we need a little crazy adventure in our lives to shake things up, inspire us in new ways, and bring out new things that we are to write about. I was waiting for peace, but God was throwing me idea after idea, challenge after challenge, saying “I know you can do it, just open your eyes and mind, and see that the adventure is right in front of you!”
And when I finally started living my own adventures, my characters’ adventures took off too. And I can’t wait to share some of them with you!
I can’t promise a blogging schedule, but I can promise it won’t be another three months before you hear from me again! After all, these adventures involve you too.
Off on an adventure,