Stories From An Eye

976D3815-E9CB-4275-9C77-960C46FCF127My smile will give you examples of love, and parables of adventure.
But My eyes shall tell you the stories My lips never dared utter.

The crown of thorns once upon My brow told of a kingdom low, vile, and broken.
But the crown My Father gives speaks of a  blessed kingdom with streets golden.

My body bares the marks of humanity, in a manger among animals I began My life.
Yet My eyes mourn not for Myself, but for the souls lost to the war of sin and strife.

My blood flowed red, and the sins of men filled My lungs and becomes My breath.
I died as a gift of mercy of all that are and all to be, even those who give Me death.

The scars upon My hands will tell you how I lived, died, struggled.
But My eyes share the eternal love and bring light to the dark internal rubble.

The strength of a body is a strength you can only see.
But your eyes show the true you, the one I see hiding far beneath.

With every struggle, every battle, there is a strength I gain and give in love.
It is a strength in heart, it is a strength given from our Father in heaven above.

I am called by many names. The Son of God, and The Son of Man.
But when my eyes tell you stories, you will understand who I Am.

Praying for Courage

4ra3iurycuHow can something so terrifying, so gut-wrenching, so sickening… be turned into such a beautiful blessing?

My last blog, which was a huge testament of my faith, was absolutely terrifying to share. I’ve always found it kind of hard to stand confidently in sharing my faith, because I’m just not very confident of a person (despite being a very outgoing person). But for some reason, on Monday, July 29th, 2019, God gave me just enough courage to post share my faith with not only my followers but with the world. It felt amazing. Freeing. And then terrifying.

After I posted A Tired Girl’s Prayer, that courage kinda evaporated and I called some of my best friends (and my youth pastor, God bless him for being so patient and understanding) and I was freaking out saying “Oh my gosh! What did I just do?!”

I had no idea what possessed me to share it. But like I said in the previous post, God works in amazing ways. Sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith, hand it over to Him, and stand boldly and bravely in who we are and who we belong to. Not saying I’m brave, because I’m clearly a scaredy-cat, but now I can trust that God is my security and my strength even when I’m terrified. And when I give myself up to Him, and He fills me… well, I can stand brave. I can inspire others. And I can praise Him the way I was made to. On the bad days, the hard days, and the good days.

When you pray for patience, God will give you opportunities to be patient.

When you pray for strength, God will give you opportunities to be strong.

My prayer was for courage.

And here we are.

Thursday was a really good day. Waking up early didn’t feel so good, but it was a good day. My dad was off work, my mom was in a pretty good mood, fiddle lessons went incredible (for those of you who don’t know, I’m also a musician…) and it was just an overall good day. 

 

Thursday morning, I start to text with my friend, and we talked about what had happened the night before. We go to the same youth group, and had been there the previous night. The best part was, we had decided to start using our music (he also is a musician) and voices for worshipping together at youth. So we got to our youth pastors’ house early on Wednesday night, pulled out our guitars, and started singing and playing music to prepare for worship before the devotional.

We talked, we laughed, we sang, and had a great time. And right then, I just started praying internally and thanking God for all He’s given me. After we finished worship, I began writing the next prayer. The last prayer was a pleading for peace and hope. But this one… this was a prayer of praise. A prayer of thankfulness, of grace, and of blessing.

The biggest blessing on Wednesday and Thursday was that my tired prayer that hurt so much to post that came out of absolutely nowhere, had reached a hundred people across the world, was being shared repeatedly, and was inspiring and bringing people closer to God. And that number has almost doubled since then.

That was my blessing.

God took my fear and turned it into something beautiful that could touch others all around me and all around the world. He used my voice, as small as it may be. He gave me courage.

I always tell people to “take courage”. If you have a book signed by me, I promise you’ll see that inscribed inside in some messy teenage girl handwriting. Taking courage isn’t easy. In fact, it’s almost impossible.

But nothing is impossible with God. And when He gives you courage, whether it is to walk through a bad day or even a good one, or to make that bold step, or just the courage to tackle whatever is being thrown in front of you… it’s a gift. Accept that gift. And use it as an opportunity to praise, to worship, and to use it for his glory.

***

August 1, 2019

Psalms 119:114

“You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word.”

God, with every waking moment, I praise you. You are beautiful, glorious, the name above all names. You show me your glory in the small moments, those little “I love you”s throughout my day, and also in the things that are life changing and it’s overwhelming. You are the peace in the chaos, my shield in the battle, the light that guides my way through the darkness. When I’m scared, hopeless, alone, unloved, and insecure… You stand as my courage. My hope. Because of You, I know I’m never alone. I am never unloved or unlovable, because despite my broken parts, my scars, and my mistakes, You still love me and You will never stop loving me. You are my security. You stand at my side always. Whom shall I fear?

Lord, give me the strength, wisdom, and courage to continue showing Your glory. Help me lead others closer to you with my voice; whether I use my voice to sing, to speak, or even to write, help me use it for Your glory and not my own. Give me wisdom to follow what you ask and command of me, the strength to break the mold society has made for me, and the courage to stand boldly in Your name and show others the real me. The one who has been made new in Your love. Thank you, God. For Your love, Your healing power, and Your grace. For who You are.

-LH

***

Take courage.

-Lorryn Holt

A Tired Girl’s Prayer

1564435530573_image1Have you ever wanted to have a conversation with your character? Slip into your fantasy? Some actually can. I can. And before you leave and start thinking “Okay, this girl is NUTS!” (which I kinda am, but that’s just me), let me explain. No, I don’t see people in my rooms or talk to the shadows on my wall. But I do have an imagination. A very powerful one. And once I sink into it… yeah, all sense of reality is gone. So I get to live in a fantasy. Even for a few minutes. I’ve talked to many of my characters in the very dreams from which they were borne. I’ve sunk into daydreams where I can see and talk to them. I’ve fallen asleep where I am transported into another world with them and we go on crazy adventures. But sometimes… all I want with them is a conversation. Because to me, it’s like a bonding experience with a person who was made by my very own creative design to be absolutely, incredibly, and perfectly imperfect.

Sound familiar at all?… no? Okay, then let’s take a rabbit trail and let’s see if we can understand this from a different point of view.

A lot of people journal or have a diary. Almost all of us have had a journal or a diary at some point in time. I’ve tried many times to start one, but it always kinda fizzled out. I never could figure out what was so special about them or how to keep up with one. A busy lifestyle doesn’t really count in time to sit down and write about your day in a diary.

But recently I’ve discovered something new. Prayer journaling. It has helped me in ways that I never even thought possible. It’s been my way through some of the hardest things I’ve ever had to face.

Most people think that prayer journaling is where you keep a log of your prayers. You set a specific time to pray, then write about what you prayed for, who you prayed for, etc. But I’ve discovered a new meaning to the words “prayer journaling”.

For a girl who is so crazily outgoing and (usually) bold and creative, I find it very hard to pray. Why? Well, to be honest, I’m not really sure. This is not a new occurrence. It’s just always been difficult for me to pray. It’s almost awkward. Maybe it’s because I find myself praying for the same things (even praying the exact same prayer) and it becomes repetitive and boring. Maybe it’s because I don’t know what to say. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel worthy to speak to my Maker, who also happens to have created every single living thing in the universe AND the universe itself.

But then I started realizing that the reason I struggled was; yes, I was insecure; but I was also giving a monologue. I wasn’t open to the idea of having an actual conversation with God because I didn’t think that that kind of connection existed. Until I recently started using writing as a way to talk to God. I’ve started writing my prayers. Instead of saying them aloud, I pick up my sketchbook or notebook and just start writing. Sometimes I don’t know what to write and so I sit and I listen. I listen to the things around me, even if it’s silence. I look around. It only takes a minute or two. And then things start to click. My pencil starts writing, almost by itself.

Yesterday, I had a really tough morning. I felt really stuck, hurt, and lost. I was at church, but felt so disconnected from my family, friends, and God. I just sat in my church’s bathroom in tears because I didn’t know what to do. My mom and friend came and held me for a few minutes, and while that was a big help, I still felt lost. I felt nothing and everything all at once. I needed some time with God.

So I stepped outside of my church, and went walking in the field. Praying. Talking to God. I poured out everything. I pleaded, cried, sang, and even yelled. I felt weak and vulnerable. But I knew that I wouldn’t find strength in yelling in frustration and anger, or in hiding what I was feeling from God. So I stopped. I prayed for wisdom, strength, guidance, patience, and peace. Then when I stopped crying, and let myself be enveloped by God’s love and let myself be held by Him, I went back inside. But God wasn’t done speaking. As soon as I sat down in my chair, I pulled out my sketchbook with intentions of taking notes of the sermon. God had other plans. I wrote down my prayers and poured out everything. My pencil was moving with no effort from me. Some of the things I wrote, I had no idea why I wrote it. But I knew that God was having me write exactly what He wanted me to hear.

After I finished, my parents asked to see my notebook. My dad was sitting beside me in church and could see pieces of what I was writing, but wanted to read it. So I handed my book over. I felt so vulnerable, but by sharing my prayer, I received even more love and support.

My mom greatly encouraged me to share my prayer from yesterday with the rest of you, and some of the other prayers I’ve been writing.

And I’ve been debating and really struggling with the idea of sharing this. I was torn. Torn between wanting to share what’s been happening and drastically changing in my life, and being scared of being vulnerable and losing the writing family I want to build. But now I think it’s time to share my prayer, because I don’t think it was only meant for me.

*****

 

July 28, 2019

Give me faith like Daniel in the lion’s den.
Give me hope like Moses in the wilderness.
Give me a heart like David, Lord be my defense
So I can face my giants with confidence. {Confidence by Sanctus Real}

I’m here to praise. My job on this earth is not to write, or to nurse people back to health, or to draw visually pleasing pictures. My job is to praise. To sing loudly and worship. To show others Your glory through my writing. To show Your healing power through nursing. To paint a picture as close as I can to the things You show me of Your glory and beauty. God, give me the strength to stand against these attacks from the devil. The patience to learn. The hope for another day. The faith of a child who knows as will be taken care of and loved.

Show me Your glory, that I may learn to walk in Your footsteps and show You to others around the world and introduce You as my Holy Father who is offering love, joy, and peace. Anxiety and stress and pain are tiring. God, I’m so tired. But You give us rest and love and healing. Thank you, God. Not just for what You do, but for who You are.
~LH

 

*****
As humans, we are perfectly imperfect. Prayer is not meant to be a monologue. It’s meant to be a dialogue. A conversation between you and God. For God, it’s a bonding experience with a person who was made by His very own creative design to be absolutely, wonderfully, perfectly imperfect. He wants to spend time with you and speak to you. God speaks in many incredible ways. All you have to do is open the conversation.

-Lorryn Holt